Just came back from the seminar, I met Bashir in the seminar. He is now a teacher in Yu Neng Primary School. He actually encouraged me to apply if I am really interested. So unexpected to meet a secondary school friend in this seminar.. The seminar was so inspiring... Later I will go online to apply.



I am going to Orchard Hotel for Teaching as a Profession seminar later from 2.30pm-4.30pm... Hope to gather more information..

Hmm.. I have been chatting actively with this gal who was my poly mate recently.. And I got her contact no was only recently through facebook as I happened to met her on a 969 bus but didn't manage to talk to her.. She had just broken up and I actually just giving some words of concern in facebook at first.. But now was using sms... I also don't know why will I do that... It looks like it's not my usual self that will chat with a person who I don't her that well... She is just like a hi bye friend to me. Over the three years in poly, I didn't even talk to her before wor.. Yet now, I can chat with her.. Feeling so strange.. Am I still me? haha...

Three weeks of ICT passes so fast.. The gathering of my army friends was so short... But it was really a great time I enjoyed during this ICT.. I can only wait for another ICT then. Since ICT ended, Monday I am going back to my hectic working life.. Just bored over work...



The weather is good this morning while we took our IPPT. Good enough that I passed (without any training before hand). So I earned my $100. After IPPT, there was nothing much to do in camp. The OC released us early today. I went to Tampines One thinking of buying a cup of Soy Bean milk, which cost me only $1.30. But I ended up spending hundreds of dollars in Tampines One. I had been recommended moisturiser, shampoo, eye cream etc.. All products cost me $640. People who read this posting will sure think I am crazy. Haha.. But I think it's time I have to work hard to take care of my skin, eyes, hairs and of course my health.. To sum up, I have overspent this month!!!!



Hmm.. Today what am I going to write leh...
Yesterday I went to Bugis to meet her and her friends. She and her friend's boy friend meet 5pm was to look for her friend birthday present. Haha, somehow feel so redundant. We had dinner at Iluma Japanese restaurant-Tora Shabu. We were not alone, we had dinner together with her friends together. After dinner, we went to a cafe that her band members invite her there to listen to J-pop songs by other locally formed bands. After the "J-pop concert", I sent her home as usual. I don't really have the hope that we will be together, but just would like to have this feeling continues-meet her up for dinner or movie some times, that will do. Able to meet her for such activities I am satisfied. If not, chat with her through skype it's fine with me too. Sometimes I will wonder why she rejected me? I have no answer and I don't think it's nice to ask for the answer anymore.
There are people who advise me to chat with her daily just like friend but there are also some who advise me not to chat with her so often... What should I do? Which way will be best for both parties?? Haha.. It's not troubling me, but only out of curiosity.
I am now waiting for my cousin Kayson Chua to confirm when are we going for roller blade.
Third issue- My mum decided to go Genting on Sep and of course I will accompany her there. Though I went ample times, I must still accompany her.
So fast that my ICT is coming to the last week. I have to clear my IPPT and also go for GPMG range. Hopefully I can get silver for IPPT so that I can recover part of the PS3 cost...Hehe..

Oh, I need to go wash my army clothes first. Bye!



Finally, I got my PS 3 today. It costs me 700 bucks with one additional controller, HDML cable and 4 games.



I just came back from stupid outfield training... We went to Amoy Quee Camp to deploy. However, we were all wet before we reached the site. On the way to the camp, it was raining heavily and it wet us even we were in the army vehicles. In the end, the ground was unsuitable for us to deploy as safety is concern. So we were instructed to stay there for 1 night.

Today we moved back to camp at 9.30am. Upon reaching our camp, we were to do all round defence before we could deploy our equipments. Everything went well and got last parade at 4pm.

Another thing I decided to have a career switch-being a teacher. While I am writing this, I visited the NIE website and signed up for their seminar. Of course, I will have to read through their criteria also. Hope I can get into NIE after I apply.



I went to ECP Beach Cabana to meet my primary school mates and dinner yesterday. We chat for several hours and down with a few glasses of beer. The dinner costs 200 plus and got to get their membership card. Hehe... A great time for this gathering. I also get to know that some of them managed to find our primary 5 form teacher and has arranged the meet up on National Day. Other than this, quite a few of them are getting married this year... Hahaha.. Waiting for the invitation card and it's time to prepare the "ang bao".... Hahaha..

Another issue- I initiated to chat with her in skype yesterday.. Hehe.. Everything went well in the chatting. And still she was so busy. Going for part time modelling, just went for portfolio shoot yesterday. I got to know she is doing this part time modelling thingy was actually heard from Shuni. Other than modelling, she is going for a 4 days seminar regarding investment in stock market by Adam Khoo, which cost $4k plus... What I can say was she is very keen to learn all sort of things.. Haha



Firstly, I want to thanks my friends those who advice me these few days. After these few days, calm down more. I am not capable being a bad guy and this won't be my true self and my nature is never want to hurt anyone. Furthermore, I am always been known as a very nice/good guy. So I can maintain my Mr nice guy image & reputation. Even in my work place, my colleague "shi fu" also feel that I am a very nice guy in work as I never say no to any request. So I wont have my reputation tarnish. Perhaps I have that thought of being a bad guy was a moment of folly... Hahaha... I won't promise in future I won't go into this state of emoing as I said I am very frequent to be emo.. But I think it's normal for a human being to be emo even it is frequent. But I will do my very best of not having such a thought of being a bad guy...

However, there's one thing I am still not ready. Shuling, you should know what am I referring to... I don't know what it will become in the future.

Another thing is since every of my friend said that I am really one of a rare Mr Nice Guy nowaday, I should believe that there will be people who like me one day... Again I am not desperate but just want to have some accompany and a person who understand me. Hahaha...

By the way, I think my blog better named as "My Inner World". Haha.. More suitable.



Hahaha... Emo again... Emo will surely be my number one killer if I die young... Hahaha



Hahaha... Suddenly thought of something so come in to jot it down.. From what she said, it does not mean I cannot continue to like her right? It's only not for me to do anything. Shuling I know you will bounce to see this. Do you agree? But to be rationale, it perhaps seemed to be another silly thing to do... Hahaha...



Alots of things are running in my mind today. And I find it so ridiculous... All are questions in my head. Why did I come into this world? What am I supposed to do? What's the point of me living in this world? What I should do? What I must do? What I want to do? All these questions just appeared in my mind in split seconds. I have none of the answer to these silly questions. And I have no idea why these will happened in my thought.. Not that I want to think but it just appeared. I also want a simple and happy life, don't need for me to think so much. But sometimes thoughts can just run wild. To be honest, I am in emo state today. I don't want to but I don't know how to avoid, prevent. Of course I want myself to be happy but I don't know how. And in fact I am unhappy with work, studies, health... Just everything in my life, nothing for me to be happy for... Ask me why? I don't know. I can't even understand myself... Who can really understand? Actually the state/mood I am in now is it due to what she said on sunday, I don't know. But I believe I am not so weak. Suddenly thought of what we (army friends) were chatting today- they find it unbelievable for me not been into any relationship for the past 27years.(Almost 27 years old liao) But I find it no big deal. Though I admit sometimes I would really like to find someone for accompany. But I have not met the special one. Not that I don't want to find but.... I also have no answer to this big question.... What they said also make sense that have to go into a relationship for several years before deciding on marriage and somemore applying for flat need another 3-4 years time...

Make it simple, I am not happy with my current life as a whole. I don't know how to improve it. I have no goal, nothing I really want to do... Simply like lost interest in whatever I do.. No interest to login facebook to play all those application too... And please not to ask me not to think so much. As I also don't know why such thought will come to my mind... I am already trying very hard to control, but no use.

And if XF you are reading it, I know you said I emo too frequent, please I also don't want it. And you told me emo too frequent, chance/ percentage of getting cancer will be higher. I don't give a damn to it... What for to live so long if I always can't get myself to be happy..... Writing till now, I also don't know why suddenly tears are rolling down my cheek. I know something is wrong with me, but I what exactly is it.. How ridiculous! Perhaps I need a psychiatry....

Why am I landed in such a state? Another unknown.. Hahaha...



I feel that my life is in a mess now. Be it my studies, my work, my health though recovering and my love life.. I am confused.

For my work, I am thinking of changing job and most of my friends support it. However I got $100 pay increment recently. And this company does not require to work overtime and there's transport to fetch me to/off work.

My health- my stomach is getting stronger and my throat problem only need to review once a year, however I do not know whether is my work pressure led me to be psychologically unhealthy or is it due to my studies, which I keep failing my modules.

Lastly, my love life... There are friends who encourage me to give up and move on... But there are also friends who support me to continue and work harder. Over all these years, I have been falling all the way... I decided to give up. Just not fated...



Today I got to know my pay increment is $100. But it still has not reach $2k.. Still thinking whether to change job not.. This company's benefit got annual trip, do not need to work overtime, has transport to fetch from home to work and work to home.

If really to change a job, I will have to look for new job after my ICT.

I am going for in camp training from 12/7/10 onwards till 30/7/10.



Today is really not a good day for me.

Early in the morning, I issued cheques for payment and ask the approval by manager. The moment this new manager saw it, and told me that I should not issue in this way. She specifically emphasize how it should be prepared and etc..(Start of her story...) After working in this company for nearly THREE YEARS, I can't imagine I am being told that the way I issued cheques were wrong!!!!!! I am so pissed off. Over these THREE YEARS, all the cheques were issued by me and nothing happened yet now come and tell me "I am not supposed to do it this way".

Other than this, one more thing is for all invoices she wants to have PO attached or the itieniary to be attached for air ticket invoices. In fact, over all these years, we refer to the system for the PO before we enter the invoices. So now she wants to attach the PO, let it be. It's only a small matter. But she is only came in for the 4th working day in this company and she keeps repeating what documents have to be attached whenever she passed the invoices out.. Pissed off...

No doubt that she may come from a listed company, but only came in not even for one week she already start to emphasize internal control for this and that...

What really made me mad today was she acutally asked me what exactly have I learnt throughout these three years in this company as she went through an audit schedule in my folder. She said the way the schedule prepared was COMPLETELY WRONG. But for the current year schedule it was done by the temp staff and I have no time to see and amend it yet. So I explained to her how the previous ones were done.

I have been in this comapany for almost three years, I have been taking up what finance manager must do for reporting when instructed by previous managers and I don't mind do extra with no pay increment. But I feel like been insulted. I wondered why I do what manager should do and willingly? It's because I think this can be a new thing to learn so I don't mind doing more and those previous managers were more polite in the way when we worked together. But this time round I won't give in anymore.

I will try to find new job before I tender my resignation letter. I stayed for three years it's because the atmosphere was quite pleasant. However it has changed and make me decide to leave soon. If I can't find a new job and my dad really wants to look for candidate to take over his job, I won't mind to work with my dad.



Firstly, I would like to thanks Jin Yuan for the glass of "Flame of Glory" yesterday. I am still feeling my head is very heavy, but I am now at work.

There was another thing that I had been thinking over the past few days- I don't want her to feel uncomfortable, I don't want her to feel pressurize. So I choose to give up. I do not know whether will this be a wise decision, but at least she may feel better perhaps. And I will not lose this friend if I end here. Though I really hope I can achieve a positive result, I must still face the fact. And I don't want to be hurt like previous. Although the heart may be hurt a little now better than hurting deeper if it goes on and with a negative result. Time will heal everything...

Years ago, I ever told myself not to fall for someone so easily and not to fall for someone first... But in the end, I don't know why I will still fall for MH so easily... I am unclear that whether am I a person who really fall for someone so easily and quickly?? I must emphasize I am not deseparate..

Meng and gf want to introduce new friend to me? I am actually ok with it. Though my response was not active, I really don't mind to get to know more friends. Hope you guys can really understand me. Hehe.. My response may seem to be not interested but I am open to know more friends.



Haiz... :( What an unhappy family I have... My 2nd elder brother said that my mum is biased when my mum asked him to go back to his room to sleep not to sleep in her room. Perhaps my mum voice was a bit loud, but my mum only asked him to keep the clothes that were hung drying in my room yet he told mum his hand was injured could not keep the bamboo sticks. And this triggered the quarrel. And this was how the biased came our from my brother mouth.

Yesterday, the Court furniture company came to my house and asked for payment owe by my 2nd elder brother and my mum actually paid 200 bucks for him. Then got to know the sum was more than 200 and was being owing since 2007. My mum and dad have been clearing the debt for my brother ample times. But when he will really learn his lesson??? Nobody knows. And my mum actually so heartache that he can say that mum was biased? Can't imagine that my mum's heart is bleeding... My dad asked him how much exactly he was owing and he said it's appro. $30k. I really can't imagine why he can owe so much. Furthermore, he still borrow money from relative, exculding the amount he owe me, my sister and my parents. How come an adult 29 year old could have done this?????

This morning my dad has just given him $4k to settle part of the debt first. Or is it my dad was biased that my eldest brother renovation cost has still been owing but didn't hear that my dad will want to clear for my eldest brother? Or is it my eldest brother always quarrel with my dad so he feel that my eldest brother is disobedient? And my mum actually said cannot let my eldest brother know that dad is clearing the debt for my 2nd elder brother... So many questions in my head... Why is my family becoming like that...

On the way to work this morning, my dad called my eldest brother and in their conversation end up quarrelling again. After the call, my dad asked whether can he sack by eldest brother? I replied if he did something wrong in his work then possible. I really wonder why why why my family has become so unpleasant... Is it really when a person grow up, he/she will be having more 烦恼? And eventually caused him/her to be unhappy?

My sister and I really hope we can quickly move out from the house... I hope I can have my own house too. But I don't have that much money and if buying HDB flat must be with my wife to be, which I don't even have a girl friend yet. (I don't mean I am so desperate want to have a girl friend but only state that I am single now so I can't buy the HDB flat.)

To summarise, I am so sad to see my family becoming like that...